last night, i woke up unable to breathe. i was panicky and covered in sweat. the ghosts of lovers past come to rear their ugly heads. you were telling me you wanted to love me now, and you promised me we’d be great together. there was a lot of blood, a lot of pain, someone lost their head. i still remember your faces, so crisp & clear, the smiles and the desire in your voices sounded genuine.
that’s what scared me the most. i’ve had a pit in my stomach all day and i’m in a funk that i just can’t shake.
do you remember the room where i learned how to kiss again?
do you remember that night, late july, when you were drunk and i wanted you to love me?
do you remember how we fell apart?
"wrecking ball" reminds me a lot of jared and that makes me miss him a little bit.
ha this hurts
You kissed me on the lips, promised me I’d be okay.
You kissed me on the cheek, told me celebratory reading would go perfectly.
You kissed me on top of the head, demanding I tell what you I said after you took the remote off my key ring.
You kissed me crookedly through my open car window, said goodbye to our friendship forever.
You kissed me all over, decided we were enough for forever.
untitled on Flickr.
it’s amazing that i can remember this night so clearly, me prancing around my bathroom doing my makeup and feeling really pretty, feeling really really good about everything.
it’s odd to me how much i primped and prepared for this night, the first time seeing jared since graduation, compared to when i saw him a couple of weeks ago where i didn’t primp, i didn’t even check my hair and makeup before i walked out the door. i just changed into jeans and different shoes and left, so eager to see him again that appearances didn’t really matter.
i miss him, and i’m just being nostalgic.
a week ago, we were together. we were cuddling and singing and laughing and TALKING. and kissing… kissing. i miss you.
start slow. forehead kisses. eskimo kisses. cheek kisses. get comfortable with each other. first kisses. gentle kisses. one right after another. kisses melting into kisses. ear kisses. neck kisses. “i don’t want to go” kisses. “please stay” kisses. hold their hand as they walk you to your car. goodbye kisses. crooked kisses. make up kisses. stolen kisses. hand kisses. “i love you” kisses. kissing kissing kissing is such a beautiful thing and i forgot what it felt like.