it’s not like there was passion, a build up of any kind. just spontaneity. a natural thing, as easy as breathing. one minute you had your arm around me and the next that hand was holding mine, my lips were on your lips, and there was no backlash. only kissing. soft kisses, gentle kisses, one right after another kisses. you were the first boy who ever told me to stay. i cried on the way home because you and me, through all of our miserable brokenness, we made sense together. you promised me we were special, we would have been special together.
i can’t miss your nicknames, liebling & “my little eva” reserved just for me. i can’t miss the smile you saved for when i was being stubborn and you knew you were right. i can’t miss the way you chain smoked and that time we slow danced in my mother’s kitchen. i can’t miss holding your hand while we were stopped for a train in the stick shift car you don’t even have anymore.
i can’t smoke newport menthols without thinking of you. i can’t watch skins anymore because i got you hooked on it. i can’t listen to take a chance on me because that was our song.
six years of friendship down the tube because we loved each other, just never at the same time. i miss you, i miss you, i miss you.